I Just Got My Third 360 - Second One Takes An E74 Dump

Today at approximately 5pm pacific standard time, I started my umpteenth try at defeating the 3rd stage boss in Ninja Gaiden II. A silvery, railroad trainy, electriky organic, machine-o-death kind of thingy.

And then all of a sudden, like a flash from some kind of Max Headroom-like nightmare my screen fills with vertical lines. Hmm. Bad game disk? (I thought). I could still navigate my way around my 360, but only through a haze of vertical lines. Well, there it was on my Xbox Live menu as well. While wishfully thinking I restarted the machine and there it was. An E74 error message and a blinking red light on the front of my console. Not the dreaded red ring of death ok? But still I knew this was gonna suck. So it tells me to go to the Xbox support site. I do. On the site I find a completely useless page that tells me to unplug everything and replug it back in. I do. Nothing. The page on the support site says that if none of the above solves the problem then I should call tech support. I do. The perfectly pleasant tech support guy tells me he's going to have to start a repair order; that I'm going to have to send in my 360 to be repaired. That's what my $60.00 best buy warranty is for I told him in so many words.

My 360 is my crack cocaine. Throughout the course of my life I've given up almost every vice that a human being could possibly live for. Coke, weed, pills, booze, hallucinogens; and last year, the piece DE resistance, my mind saving sanity preserver: Cigarettes. In order to deal with giving up smokes I took up a previous video game addiction. I figured it's better for me than nicotine. It is. So I can't handle having to wait while Microshit sends me a coffin so I can send them my beloved 360 so I can wait while they basterdize it and send it back to me. No fucking way! I will go on a fucking shooting spree if I have to wait 6 to 8 weeks. So, that's why I got the Best Buy 2 year warranty. I just popped on over to Best Buy and BOOM! No questions asked they brought down a brand new glossy 360 box. And even better? It now comes with Forza 2 (and Marvel Ultimate Alliance) so I get that as sort of a great consolation prize for giving up my game saves which I should have asked If I could swap hard drives cause they would have done it 'cause my buddy LIBERTINA GR1M on Xbox Lve told me I probably could so I drove down there again with my new 120 gig hard drive to swap it for my old one and they said sure but doesn't it figure that my old broken down 360 is no long in the store? In the hour and a half since I swapped, the truck came and swept my old broken down 360 away. You know what? I don't really give a shit. So what if I have to start Ninja Gaiden II over again. Actually I'll be starting Bioshock over for the third time; I'm not all too happy about that. But whatever, I didn't think of swapping hard drives when I initially traded out. I won't make that mistake again because you KNOW that eventually, at some point in time this 360 will take a dump just like my other two did. I have no faith whatsoever in Microsoft as a hardware maker. Two previous consoles; both of 'em died. No faith whatsoever. At least I still have my "prestige".

Gaming's Dark Side: Bigotry and Intolerance Online

In November of ’07 I bought an Xbox 360. I was absent for the better part of last generation’s consoles so I don’t know how long this has or hasn’t been going on over the years, all I know is that I was exposed to it last November. I expected trash talk. I don’t mind trash talk and have been known to make a sailor blush on occasion myself but I can’t tolerate hate speech. I am intolerant to intolerance and I was totally unprepared for the bile that started spewing out of people’s mouths while playing online.

The N word is primarily used to two ways online. The first and most common usage appears to be (as Mr. Show put it) “white people co-opting black culture”. You know, middle class white kids saying things like “Yo, wat up nigga”. Pathetic and embarrassingly ignorant, this usage has become common in the last decade or so as hip-hop and “gangsta” culture has risen to soaring heights via Eminem, Snoop, McDonald commercials, and the like. These are just dumb white kids making themselves look painfully foolish while desperately trying to appear cool. The other usage is of the truly frightening kind; bigotry and hatred in its most basic form. This comes from people who hate an entire race of people for the plain and shallow fact that their skin is a different color. Or that they practice a different religion, or that they’re women. They have gamer tags such as “JewsAreGayyy”. In the world of Xbox live being gay is considered one of the very worst things a human being can be, they boast “I shot that nigger in the face”. Or the guy I heard that told his friend “Well, at least you’re not Jewish” or the man that told the woman on our team “Why don’t you just suck my mother-fucking cock you slut”.

Nothing is being done

Microsoft’s system for dealing with this problem is virtually non-existent. While it’s possible to file a complaint against someone for using hate speech or against someone who’s engaging in some other inappropriate behavior it’s practically useless because anyone can file a complaint against anyone else for any reason thereby rendering all complaints suspect. I don’t like you because you killed me a dozen times in a match and talked some smack? Fine, I’m going to file a complaint against you for using hate speech.

Only child predators are a potentially bigger problem than bigotry as online console gaming becomes a dominant and more mainstream form of entertainment and we all know that if sexual predators were as common as racists are on Xbox Live, Microsoft would throw its considerable and unmatched muscle at the problem. So why are sexual predators more likely to be given the attention they deserve while bigots are currently allowed to roam free? I think the truth is that, to them, one is acceptable while the other is not. God, I wish that weren’t true but I fear that it is. The reason why it’s flourishing in the online console gaming world is that nobody is stopping it.

The Solution

Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo need to send a clear message that hate will not be tolerated on their online services. I believe that moderators are the only realistic way to deal with the problem. Either hire people to do it or hand pick them from the Xbox live community (and perhaps pay them with free Xbox Live accounts and/or free downloads). Use hate speech once and get banned for a day. Use it again and get banned for a month. Use it again and get banned for life. The message would be quickly sent that it’s not in anybody’s interest to speak in this manner.

Ban someone based on their sign up info such as their credit card, address, phone number etc. Make it so they can’t just change their screen name. I have a feeling that once it gets out Microsoft is serious about this and that people are losing their online privileges for life we might eventually see an end to the hate speech online.

A friendly environment for all

Punishing violators doesn’t eliminate racism but it does make the online gaming environment a nicer place to be. An online gaming community should be a safe, fun place for everyone to enjoy, not just the profoundly ignorant. It is crucial that Microsoft, Sony, and others send the clearest and strongest possible message, that hate will not be tolerated. You cannot just give a chuckle and tell yourself “kids will be kids”.

Call of Duty 4 Update Rumor! No More Juggernaut?!

just got it from totally unofficial source (a stranger I was playing with online) that there's going to be a huge CoD 4 update this Sunday (June 8th). According to my source the Juggernaut perk is going to be removed from the game as well as "Last Stand". I certainly hope not because while I hate juggernaut using tards on CoD4, I make a few extra bucks selling anti-juggernaut t-shirts.

I sincerely doubt the veracity of my dubious source's claim but in reality I would love to see all the little juggernaut using cry-babies go nuts when their worthless little perk gets kicked into oblivion. A man can dream can't he? Goodnight and Godspeed while I go rack up double xp!

ALL ABOUT ME: Free Halo 3 promotion proves, so far, to be an exercise in nothingness

I finally made the decision to purchase the Xbox 360 when I found the following promotion: If you own an original Xbox and currently have an Xbox Live account and you purchase a 360 between November 1st and December 24th and transfer your live account from your old Xbox to your new 360 Microsoft will send you a free copy of Halo 3.

I was waiting for the right sale/incentive to make the jump to purchase the 360 and this was definitely it. A free copy of what amounted to this generation’s version cabbage patch kid? I’m so there. So on November 27th I picked up an X360 pro. I went home and registered on the Xbox.com site for the promotion and transferred my Xbox live account to my new 360. Woo Hoo! Now I just had to wait “through January 18th” to receive my copy of H3.

Nearly two months later and by January 16th I still hadn’t received my free copy of Halo 3. I had what I guess you’d call a premonition that I wouldn’t be receiving my game on time so I decided to call 800-4MY-XBOX to see what the status was. The long and short of that first call is that it took them forty minutes to tell me my disc would be arriving on the 18th.

As you might have guessed, the 18th came and went and I’m still Halo-less. I called Xbox customer support on the 20th and spoke to a very nice service rep. I’m going to stop right now to mention that everyone I’ve talked to at 800-4-my-xbox is frighteningly polite, which is fine because I’ll take unnaturally nice over commonly discourteous any day. They also keep referring to the free copy of Halo 3 as a “replacement disc”. During each call I have to inform them at least once that it is not a replacement disc but a free promotional disc. Anyhow my call then gets forwarded to a supervisor named Miss Chiqui (pronounced cheeky) who graduated with a doctorate in warm fuzzies. She is extremely polite, sweet, and helpful (I’m fully convinced that Xbox customer service reps are the direct descendents of the Stepford Wives). She tells me that she’s extremely sorry that my replacement disc hasn’t arrived and will send out another one. I decide that if it’s easier for them to say “replacement” instead of “promotional” then who am I to correct them? I thank her for her kindness and understanding.
I also decide after getting off the phone that should I end up with two Halo 3 discs that one will be auctioned off to benefit small animals.

So about a week goes by and I still haven’t received Halo 3. I put in another call to the Xbox help-line and after being put on hold for a merciful 5 minutes or so I’m told that it will take up to six weeks for my disc to arrive. Hoo Ha Marines! Looks like I’m Call of Duty bound for another 6 weeks or so. That’s ok because I can hone my much need-to-be-honed CoD4 skills.

I’d love to hear from others who participated in this promotion. Have you received your free copy of H3 yet? I will update as soon as 1) I get Halo 3 or 2) I call customer service again. Stay tuned.

Top 6 Reasons 2008 Could be the Year of PS3

I have a Xbox 360. Previously I had an Xbox. I'm glad Sony payed the humiliating price of failure for arrogantly disrespecting their fans by charging an absurd amount of money for the PS3 upon it's launch. BUT - thing could seriously change in 2008. Sony has gotten it's act together and brought the price of the PS3 down to an incredibly reasonable $399.00 and has a slew of impressive high profile titles loaded in it's rocket launcher. Microsoft is still dealing with hardware issues and came into the new year with crippled online componant.
Read the top 6 reasons why I think 2008 could be the year of the PS3 on the always effervescent Mania.com

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SATINY REVIEWS: Mutant Storm Reloaded

Game: Mutant Storm Reloaded
Developer: PomPom
Format: Xbox Live Arcade
Release Date: 11/22/2005
Fuzzy Voltage Grade: A

I bought my Xbox 360 in late November of ’07 so I discovered Mutant Storm Reloaded quite a while after its original launch with the 360 in '05. It has since become my XBLA fetish and with the 360 doing so well over the holidays I thought there might be a number of new Xbox owners unfamiliar with MSR.

Gameplay:

MSR hones 25 year old game play to razor sharp perfection. The "kill everything on screen before it touches or shoots you" style previously found in games like Robotron, Geometry Wars, and Smash TV has been distilled to a pure elegance, a sublime fluidity, a haunting beauty if you will that has both a plastic and organic aesthetic.

MSR approaches impossible difficulty but manages, like any great game, to always seem within reach and achieves an addiction level that’s highly sought yet rarely found. I’ve only been able to reach the 50th level so far (there are 89 in all). The interesting thing is that it’s not that the levels necessarily get harder the higher up you go (though there are some very obstructive and interesting challenges that arise) but the whole game requires a kind of relaxed, intense focus in order to progress without being hit.

Graphics:

MSR's graphics are both ultra retro in inspiration and hyper modern in execution; super clean, precise, biological and mechanical; are we caught in some kind of 1970's microscopic, dystopian gene warfare zone? Each time I sit down to play I feel like I'm entering into a nightmarish Lucite dream world with enemies ranging from itty bitty cell structures to strange tailed nano-creatures. This game is a graphical masterpiece, yes masterpiece. I said it and I stand by it. This is Hi-Def grace and beauty for the new millennium.

Sound and Music:

The music is impeccably “Escape from New York” era John Carpenter. Frankly it’s one of my favorite soundtracks ever for a game. While game music usually tries to manipulate the user into feeling tension and urgency, the music here creates a soft sense of approaching menace that lets the game play itself be the force that stirs the anxiety soup. The music never draws attention to itself but like any truly great soundtrack it is an essential component to the atmosphere and piques the user’s imagination as to what kind of world the game environment resides in.

The sound design is anti-over-the-top; tastefully muted explosions that excellently capture the moment without ever clobbering you over the head. The sound-scape of MSR is one of the components that allows for its extremely addictive gameplay. You’re ears never get fatigued as a result of playing and you’re never annoyed by what you hear.

Tips:

A) Sometimes plowing through a throng of enemies with guns blazing is the only way to get out of a seemingly impossible situation.

B) Don’t forget to use your smart bombs! Probably my #1 reason for dying is forgetting to use the darn smart bomb.

C) Skirt along the perimeter staying against the wall while firing towards the center can often keep you in good shape.

Why I like it more than Geometry Wars:

The truth is that they both provide something different from each other. There’s more than enough room on any shooters fan’s hard drive for both but if I could only choose one…
Geometry Wars is a great game but its style is pure overkill, which is what makes it what it is.
There’s a subtler aspect to MSR while still providing all the twitch and tumble that make a great shooter